What's new in the life of Stephen Hawking?

Hey Carls, this is a number I call "What's new in the life of Stephen Hawking."  To be honest, this project started out as a list of the top ten Jaleels...but that didn't really pan out*.  A few days ago, as I was scrolling through the Led Zeppelin MIDI archive, I spotted a cover of "Whole Lotta Love" by a group named MC Hawking.  My first reaction was one of shock and disbelief.  MC Hawking?  As in Professor Stephen W. Hawking, author of "A Brief History of Time" (191 pages)?  Needless to say I was dubious.  So, like any average Led Zep/MIDI/Stephen Hawking fan, I clicked the link...  There is no doubt this is the same man who astounded astronomers with the notion that particles could escape from black holes.  This aroused my interest.  What has Hawking been up to since retiring from science, and what's new in his life?

I went to my local library here at beautiful Central Michigan University and began my extensive research.  Stephen was born in London in 1942, arguably the center of the universe, during 'the war.'  As a child, Steve was a natural at baseball.  Unfortunately, due to poor locker room/shower conditions, little Stephen acquired Lou Gehrig's disease, a muscle control disorder.  With his pro-ball career behind him, Stephen took an interest in science.  In 1959, he invented the computer and won a scholarship to Cambridge University, where he acquired a PhD in Astrology.  There he became fascinated with black holes, a notion first proposed by Robert Oppenheimer, inventor of the atomic bomb.  In his mid-20s, Hawking transcribed Einstein's ancient formulas with the Rosetta Stone.

Though many people believe Hawking's theories are difficult to understand, he is actually considered the scientist most able to communicate arcane matters not just to other physicists but to the general public.  This might be due to his Microsoft voice replicator.  Since Stephen is not physically able to speak, he has always experimented in new methods of non-verbal communication.  In the mid-1960s, Hawking started dabbling with a method of communication through the trumpet.  His spoken word album "Hawking Comes Alive" scored the Number 1 Billboard rating in Jazz in 1964, and the album took home both the Pulitzer Prize for Astronomy and the Grammy for Record of the Year.  After an extended tour, Stephen eventually discovered Microsoft's voice replication software, which has been a staple of his work ever since (including a guest spot on Radiohead's "Fitter Happier").

But that's all old news, Hank.  After all, this article is called "What's new in the life of Stephen Hawking."  Well, you can trust me when I say that Mr. Hawking is a busy man.  Currently, Stephen is deep into his "The Theory of Everything: The Origin and Fate of the Universe 2003" tour, and he has recently decided to sell his hot air balloon basket.  I emailed him about why he's selling the basket, and if he really means only the basket is for sale, and not the balloon and hot gas thingy, but he hasn't written back yet.  I'm hoping he will include a file of himself reading the email.  In the mean time, be sure to check out Stephen Hawking's homepage.

*Top Ten Jaleel List may or may not have panned out