Let me hit you with some knowledge, fresh from the 2nd day of 2009.

While searching the internet for interstellar life, I came across an astonishing and completely not at all coincidental coincident. Cookie monster. We all remember him, right? He's big, he's blue-bordering-on-purple, he eats cookies. With his mouth open. Does anybody know where he's from? Of course not, you're not from the 70's. He's from Sesame Street. Try to keep up. Now look that up on Google Maps. Where is it? There's a dozen of them just in the US, so short answer: nobody knows. Elaborate hoax? Probably. Stay with me, I'm about to blow your mind.

Nostradamus. Frency and hairy.. Cookie Monster, similarly hairy. Nostradamus. According to history channel he wrote a quatrain vaguely similar to the fall of the twin towers, which nobody understood until it happened and then it was totally amazing and obvious. Cookie Monster. The October 1976 cover of Sesame Street MAGAZINE.. stay with me.. Cookie Monster did a charades version of what was going to happen 25 years and a couple months later with buildings made of cookies. A monster would orchastrate an attack on the twin towers. Don't fall asleep. Nostradamus. A founding member of Hinduism.* Hindu's reincarnate into things like mice, ford escorts, and rob schneiders. Black is white. Up is down. Finkle is Einhorn. Cookie Monster is Nostradamus!

Your Welcome. Good night.

*nostradamus is hindu, referenced so there.

Feel the fury. Carl's back, and he brought friends.

To ring in the holiday season, the good folks at Hallmark, in conjunction with some guy from a government somewhere, declared December 1st Worldwide Aids Day! So, in honor of that day, I give you some really funny picture I didn't make.

Update (Tuesday, November 25, 1894) Why do things always seem to take longer than they should? That's not a rhetorical question, the answer is simple. I'm a lazy bastard. Anyways, one layout is completely up and functioning. I showed it to a few of you already. The other layouts are being worked on now. When they're finished, you'll be let into the club. Maybe.

Update (Saturday, November 22, 2003) The new system is in place. The layouts are ready. All that remains is getting the two integrated. Expect to see it tomorrow or Sunday, whichever comes first.

New layout should be fully up and running in a matter of days. I plan on doing the main setup tomorrow, so depending how smooth that goes, it may be up sooner than later. It'll be a much needed change. Until then, occupy yourselves with these links:

Revolutionary New Diet :: Saved by the Bell Roll Playing :: Which Care Bear are you? :: Seizure Robots :: The Internet Sucks ::  Squirrel gets really Pissed :: Meden had a website, told nobody :: This guy is my hero :: MP3 Stealing Guilt? SOLVED!

The Weekend

5 people thus far have messaged me asking for pictures from this weekend. To date all 5 have perished due to lack of oxygen*. To prevent further abuse of messaging privileges, this update has been created as a tribute to those people who sacrificed themselves to make this weekend possible. The videos aren't compressed. For those of you who don't know a computer from .. a slighly different computer, that means they might take a while to download. I might get around to compressing them later*. And now for some math. No poop circles this time, sorry.

(Bruce + Devlin) * Trampoline = Blood Spot on Ceiling (Video)

(Bruce + Devlin) * Newspaper = TouchFest 2003 (Video)

And a classic. New Matt loves Rape Day. (Video)

Directions to having your own TouchFest:

(Mouse over the images for commentary)

Winner of this years prestigious "Wedgie of the Year" Award goes to Matt.

Some other noteworthy stuff.

 
(Mouse over the images for commentary)

More pictures will probably be coming later*.

*Later is a close family relative of  never.
*Lack of oxygen may have been caused by punches to the throat inflicted by someone**
**Someone may refer to me. Or someone else. Or me.

Well, you either didn't see the poop title at the top and got all excited thinking something new was here, or you've never been here before and you're scared. In either case, a new layout is coming, which is to say, alot of new layouts are coming, and fast. I've got nearly all the graphics made, and once that's finally done the setup should be nice and quick. What's going to be new? Everything. It's going to be killer. Stay tuned.

A Poop to Remember
(A poop which would be an internet phenomenon had my camera been there at the time)

I felt this update needed a title, simply because it was so incredibly cool. Over the weekend friends showed up from downstate. So, naturally we did some hanging out. The hanging out migrated from house to house until we finally ended up somewhere near the North Pole at an elf's house in a place I like to call Lil' Huge Land. The real story begins about a half-hour after we arrived, but for the sake of having nothing new for a while, I'll fill in some details. The real story starts on paragraph 4, if you're short on time.

Muhs showed up, minus one creepy street guy jacket, but he was there nonetheless. The Juice was there also, along with Matt, New Matt, and Lil' Huge. Lil' Huge's chronically depressed pretend-sister was there, being depressed. Some other people they knew were there too. I'm about 88% sure it was this volatile mix of awesome, super awesome, and depressed that spawned the event which knocked Bruce ripping both passenger-side tires off his car simultaneously down to #4 on the "Coolest things to ever have happened" list.

So what exactly happened? Hang on, we're getting there. Lil' Huge has this dog, about 25-30 lbs I'd say. Your normal small / medium size dog, at least in outward appearance. Apparently this dog lives in a cage half its size, and is let out sometimes to eat and drink briefly. You see, when we came in the dog was in its cage scratching to get out. 10 minutes later it was still scratching, so I let it out. Lil' Huge said "OMG don't let it out he freaks out whenever he's let out." Then he freaked out for about 2 minutes. Lil' Huge jammed him back in the cage, and he again commenced scratching. We enquired how often he's in the cage and Lil' Huge replied "Oh, not very often. He's usually out." Hard to believe, at best. I let him out again 2 minutes later. He didn't freak out as much, and soon calmed right down. 10 minutes later Lil' Huge came back in the room and again put him in the cage. I let him out as soon as Lil' Huge was out of the room, because he was scratching and obviously didn't wanna live his life in a cage. Who'd a thunk it?

So, skip ahead 10 minutes. We're all in the living room, some of us messing with a hacky sack while someone was reading from this stupid poetry* book about deano poetry from long ago.. or something. All of a sudden New Matt says something impossibly funny. "Whoa look! The dog just crapped in a circle!" That's right folks, the dog crapped in a near perfect circle. Now I'm no mathematician, but I could swear judging from an average size human poop that this dog crapped out at least 3 normal human poops to make this circle. The circle was easily pushing two feet in diameter, and it was creepy how well formed it was (the circle, not the poop). So, I thought about what I saw and this was the only logical conclusion that fits the circumstance:

The dog has been locked in the cage for 293 hours, in dog time. I am guessing from the amount of poop there were originally three dogs in the cage and he ate the other two to survive*. Now, dogs are naturally clean animals and don't like to mess their living space up so they'll poop in the same area over and over to avoid having to hangout near a smelly turd, just like us humans. We don't poop in our living rooms, dogs don't poop in theirs. So, I follow the logic train and have come to the conclusion that while trapped in the cage the dog learned math, as an attempt to find an escape. While learning math, it found out how circle is created, and it knew the peace sign just a circle with a Y in it, and is known throughout the world as a sign of good will. Now, doing some simple math the dog calculated it did not have enough poop to spell out "THANKS FOR LETTING ME OUT!", so he decided a peace sign would get the message across. Then, seeing as how he didn't get it finished I can only conclude one of two things happened.

SCENARIO 1: He misjudged his poop reserve and ran out early.

SCENARIO 2: He forgot to make the little Y in the middle of the peace sign first before making the circle, because he had to go so bad after 293 dog hours in a cage.

In either case, this was most definitely the 3rd coolest thing to have ever happened.

*poetry is the bastard child of talking and singing, hence the words "po" and "try" in poetry. poetry is when someone tries to write a song but it's really poor, so instead they read it with a dramatic voice. poetry sucks.

*survive sometimes refers to having more space rather than actually "avoiding death"

Do you like taking surveys? Of course you do. If you didn't, you would have already said no. So check this place out, it's called mySurvey, and I make about $10 a month by doing about 15 minutes worth of surveys. I'm going to go looking for more sites like this, because $40/hour isn't bad in my opinion. They should make a survey about whether $40/hour is a good income, I bet I'd win.

There seems to be a plethora of cool stuff building up in the to-do pile for CW, but times are busy so they'll sit for a while longer. In the mean time, here's some semi-amusing stuff to keep you occupied.

eBay | Humping Dogs | Rag Doll | F-word documentary remade (swearing!)

I really have nothing to say. But here's a new piece you can check out on Walmart and Midgets. We also got a hatemail, that could be real. I haven't yet decided. Anyways, you can help us decide by checking it out and leaving your opinion in the guestbook. Is it real?

And now for some completely unrelated entertainment..

Guy falls off a ladder on QVC | Experience the Best Shoutbox Ever | ZomboCom

Makeshift Archieve