John: I'm getting something. Someone here... someone's mother..
[Oh my God, I have a mother I thought to
myself]
John:
Yes, yes I'm getting that someone here has a mother. That mother is trying
to make contact.
[I raised my hand as he looked my way, and
that was when I knew. I WAS WINNING!]
 Me: It's me John, I have a mother! I have a
mother!
John: Yes, yes and your mother has a son,
or daughter.. some kind of children.
Me: Yes, yes of course. I am my mothers son!
John: Yes thats what I'm getting. Now I'm
getting a name, an M.. Margaret, or Mable, or a Marie..
Me: My mothers name is Helen.
John: Ok, yes I'm getting that, but I'm still
getting an M, some kind of M, perhaps someone your mother was related to..
[Uh oh, I'm losing. Gotta think, must be
someone named M.. ]
Me: Oh my gosh, my mother had a car named
Mercedes!
John: Yes, yes that's it, I'm getting that.
[REBOUND! I'm back in the game]
Well, this went on for quite some time, and finally I
had done it. I had crossed over and talked to my mother. I win! Thank you
John Edward, you've made all my dreams come true. To celebrate, I called up
my folks and told them what happened. Boy were they amazed! |
This
is my story. A while back, I attended a taping of the hugely successful
"Crossing Over with John Edwards" TV show. I thoroughly enjoyed my visit, as
you can plainly see. However, getting in was no cakewalk. I had to send in
my application and take an IQ test prior to even being considered. Luckily,
they said I had both the looks and the wits they were looking for. Boy, did
that ever boost my ego. A guy like me, smart enough to get into the audience
for John Edwards. I guess that 85 I scored on my IQ test really paid off, I
mean 85/100 that's like a B+. Good thing I studied! We waited in line for a
few hours before we even got into the studio. This just goes to show you
how popular and famous (and obviously talented John is). You can hardly see
me, I'm about 3/4 of the way towards the back of this line. 
Here's
a better picture of me waiting to get into Crossing Over. Now I'm sure you
can see me. The guy in black was John's Audience Supervisor. He told us lots
of neat stories about John and his amazing abilities. He even told us about
the time John spoke to a ladies dead cat. In case you didn't know, John also
has the abilities to interpret animal-speak. Its a very rare ability that
only Dr. Doolittle and John possess. Luckily though, Dr. Doolittle is just a
fictional character, so John pretty much has a monopoly on that market! Go
John! That story was awesome, and it got me super psyched for the show! I
hope John talks to my dead parrot. Polly wants a reading!
Here I am
just about to go through the security gate. You can see me, I'm third in
line. Go me! That security guard was sure odd though. He kept remarking on
how we all looked like John, and how creepy that was. Well, we may look like
John, but everyone knows theres only ONE John Edward. The person going
through right now didn't get to go into the show after all. Apparently, she
falsified her IQ test. The machine read her IQ and it was 110. HAH, right!
Cheaters, everyone knows IQ only goes up to 100. Takes more than that to
fool John Edward's Number 1 security guard Ponch!
Once I got
into the show I just couldn't wait. I peed myself, twice! Luckily, I had
read of other people having similar experiences and I brought some extra
clothes. A quick jaunt to the bathroom and it was all better. Then it
happened. The lights dimmed, and there he was, shining in all his
transcendent glory. John Frickin' Edwards, live in person! I sat there in
awe as he started the show. He read a few people, and then it happened...